Fun with Telemarketers.
I love telemarketers. I kind of think of them as a ready and willing audience for me to test my comedy chops on. And better yet - they're absolutely FREE! They called ME!!
Usually I let them give me their spiel for a few seconds, then I steer the conversation down a number of pointless rabbit holes. My usual tangents quickly fall along these lines:
"I can't make any decisions. I didn't take my medicine today."
"I can't do it. My wife would beat me. Seriously. She gouged out my eye last month."
"My cat is telling me I shouldn't do it."
"I need to go. My squirrel is boiling over."
"I have no interest in saving money. I'm independently wealthy."
"Shhh!!! Did you hear that?!? The aliens... they're trying to communicate over the phone again."
"Hey, while you're on the phone, would you please talk to my toddler for a few minutes?"
I was a little tame with this one, but hopefully someday I'll be able to record a really funny post detailing how I torture telemarketers. I should note that I have every right to play with these people - I used to be one myself. And really, that's my whole motive: giving these schmoes something to talk about when they go home at night. Now they can tell their spouses, "Man, I has the most insane guy on the phone today!!" Mission accomplished.
3 Comments:
Oh my God!
That has got to be the most awesome thing I've ever heard!!!
I demand more! MORE!!!
Do you hear me? More!
[paraphrased]
her: "You are the decision maker, aren't you"
him: "Yes, that is true. I have two balls, they are mine."
Brilliant!
We have the house surrounded! Put the phone receiver down and step away from the telephone with your hands on top of your head. This is the SBC Global Phone police and we are placing you under arrest for illegal recoding peoples phone conversations, specifically friendly polite telemarketers, without their knowledge.
Is this not illegal? If so then I echo what jkp just wrote *BRILLIANT!
I use the buttons... The telemarketer customer from hell you must be!
*Said with the accent of Dieter from Sprockets!
Hey Kevin
Check out the song Rez by Underworld
Your buddy Max
PS THIS BLOG HAS NOTHING TO DO
with the telmarketer I actually
got to here one of those live remember.
Post a Comment
<< Home